What We Weirdos Need to Know About Networking

Being a weirdo introvert writer who must be dragged screaming out of my flat for any reason (except getting cheeseburgers), I think networking is…so fun! Yay!

What’s not to love? Don’t you love it too?

Talking to lots of people we don’t know! In a place with terrible lighting! Leaning up against a huge variety of walls! With room-temperature Pinot! Hiding in the toilets for the 3rd time in an hour just to escape the pressure! Pretending to be very, very busy on our mobile phones so we don’t have to look up at all, ever!

Aaaah, and our nervous mouths that feel like they’re lined with rough sand. And if we’re lucky, we do that weird loud abrupt swallow after we finally manage to choke out a dry sentence to someone.

When all the time we could be safe at home, on the sofa in jammies with cheese, clicking “YES” over and over again in the direction of a screen that has the audacity to ask “Are you still watching this show?”

You might be reliving your favourite networking experiences right now. And most of them point to the absolute, undeniable fact that we weirdos- the underdogs, the quiet ones, the ones who look or sound different- hell, even breathe different to most everyone else — can have a really hard time with it.

It’s exhausting getting person 3,783 that we’ve met to please like me please listen to me I am actually awesome at work and for the love of all that is holy, I NEED A FUCKING JOB.

Here’s the deal, though.

Oh god, here we go

You could avoid networking for the rest of your life. You could avoid talking to anyone in the whole world at all except your personal circle of friends and family who already meet all your financial, social, physical, career, and growth needs, right?

Lol. Just kidding. Course they don’t.

Which is why you have to start networking. This is something I learned so freaking hard.

Ooft, just felt you wince. Felt maybe a bit of a butt clench too. I get it, okay? Networking on the surface feels like BULLSHIT.

I’m an uber-introverted autistic woman who pretty much likes talking about four things — neolithic sensory archaeology, medieval mysticism, cheese, and The Monkees. Unfortunately, my info dumping on these topics has led to people passing out from sheer boredom right on the spot.

What I’m saying is, networking (which requires talking to people about things that are not my special interests) does not come easy to me. So I understand the anxiety you feel.

But you are going to have to start networking.

WHY WHY for the love of god WHY?!?

It’s nearly impossible to build a career or business without it. You’re going to need people. People to talk about you in a good way (yes, it does happen). People who dig the stuff you do. People who will hire you. Or promote you. And pay you.

And the reason why you need people is because— deep breath — we do not live in a meritocracy.

Which totally sucks. Unless you’re a rich kid who magnetically attracts stuff you don’t ever have to work for. Ew.

Like I said, it sucks, and it isn’t fair. It doesn’t matter how awesome or skilled you are, or how badass your CV is. It doesn’t matter how wide your life experiences. How resourceful you have been in crises. What you’ve survived.

It might get you in the door, but it doesn’t necessarily get you the job or the opportunity or that collaboration.

Strangers don’t care about any of that. They care about people who they know and/or new people who remind them of themselves.

So your chances are a billion times better in life if you get to know people and cultivate those relationships.

Don’t believe me? According to a LinkedIn study, networking accounts for 85% of jobs found. And 70% of jobs are never published publicly.

Yes, the idea that who you know gets you where you want to go is pretty gross. But it completely explains why so many of us are up against gatekeepers who want to keep us out. It’s even harder for those of us who are weirdos — we’ve had to deal with gatekeepers ever since our kindergarten teachers didn’t trust us with breaking up the graham crackers at snacktime.

(Though I must confess, if it were up to me, I’d hire my friends and good people I know I could work with. So I guess I’m a big old hypocrite.)

Of course, it’s not all that cynical. Networking’s not just about staying alive.

As you grow relationships through networking with people, you get more support. You up your chances of getting a mentor and mentoring someone yourself. You’ll probably make more money. You’ll certainly be more visible. And increase your chances for cool collaborations.

And you give all these benefits right back to those people.

And- the friendships! That’s the best part. Though I’ve made a few wrong turns in a few places, I have been lucky enough to meet some absolutely corking people.

Yeah, I get why you don’t want to do it. You shake when you talk to people. Your Daddy and Mama were mean to you. Your brain freezes up. When you have to speak to a group you secretly pray that an asteroid smashes the room into smithereens at that very moment because DEATH IS PREFERABLE TO ANY OF THIS SOUL-SUCKING TORTURE.

Look, I have made EVERY MISTAKE you can in networking — probably something to do with my autism going undiagnosed until I was 48. So I wasn’t aware of my challenges.

But to survive I had to learn things without even knowing why. Eventually I had to grab the opportunity to teach networking to uni students and fellow tv/film people. So I’ve gathered up, discovered, refined, and stolen specific tricks, tips and ideas to help. The first one being that networking is an absolute must.

I’m not perfect, I haven’t got it all figured out yet. But I know how hard it is to be an outsider, trying to kick down doors that get slammed in your face over and over.

Deep Breath

Just realising that you HAVE to put yourself out there is the first step. It’s the beginning of a journey to finally be invited to the table. Or to find people who will help you build a new table.

All of us who’ve been on the sidelines deserve a place in this world. We deserve to reach our goals. To get our dreams, dammit! Why should it just be insiders?

We have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Which for those of us are weirdos kind of feels like everyday already, doesn’t it? We already know that feeling, so we might as well make the most of it.

We just need to to suck it up. Put our phones on silent and get started.

Who am I kidding? Our phones are already on silent.

See you on the other side of that room temperature Pino.

PS — If you do want to talk about neolithic sensory archaeology, medieval mysticism, cheese, or The Monkees, REACH OUT.