Here’s Why Fitting In Can Sap Your Soul (& it’s not why you think)

When we’re young, we’re desperate to be like everyone else.

And that ain’t no shock. Kids are mean and they will tease over ANYTHING that stands out. Lunatics. So we bent and twisted ourselves into something that we weren’t. We make sure our lunches were the same. That we wore the same stupid shoes or listen to the same (amazing) songs (the music was pretty good, not gonna lie).

Just anything to show we fit in with everyone else.

The bigger problem is that no one tells us that will crush our spirit. Here’s why. We spend years, DECADES, trying to show the people around us that we fit in.

See me!

Hire me!

Love me!

I’m here! I have value! Trust me! I can do it. I really can! Oh, and ignore that part of me!

Repeat. Repeat until your throat is hoarse. You collapse on the pavement. You shout for your mama. And somehow you get labelled a chronic pain in the ass.

Lord, I have done this so many times. I CRINGE. I die inside. I did this as a grown adult in her 30s/40s, at the same workplace for a decade. Even though they showed me over and over, painfully, that they did not want me.

It’s exhausting.

But here’s where it gets wild.

Fitting in isn’t just bad for ourselves because we have to suppress so much. There’s another reason.

Here’s the shift

We’re not taught the difference between fitting in vs. belonging. But last year, I saw Brene Brown taking about it and - wow- it hit me like a ton of bricks.

That fight to fit in stops us from finding the people we belong to.

The people who we belong to are the people who get our worth from the beginning. They understand and like what we bring to the table. They see our value. And visa-versa.

It’s just so natural, and very different to the constant vigilance needed for fitting in.

It can also change everything for us. We don’t have to prove anything. We don’t have to hide any part of ourselves.

Of course, sometimes we will have to be around people who we don’t belong to. But if we spend 10-20% of our time finding the people we belong to, it will make a huge difference.

It will make all the difference.